Healing indefinitely
by Freakitten
Summary: When there are wounds, they are healed. Even when things go bad, more than physical wounds need to be mended but in that process, knowledge and wisdom is gained, for better or for worse. Hawke is terribly wounded during the fight with the Arishok and to heal her Anders fuses with Justice to heal her almost from death. This though, is not the only healing that takes place.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: When there are wounds, they are healed. When things go bad, more than physical wounds need to be mended. In that process, knowledge and wisdom is gained, for better or for worse. (Intentionally vague, but the later focus point will be on Anders).

Ok, this story has a good mix of everything I'd think, happy moments, funny moments, really sad and depressing moments, anguish and what not, maybe love if I decide to go that way, quite likely though. Mostly I thought it best to warn those to the really sad depressing parts, I do try to write to evoke some emotion out of readers so if you don't want to go through that right now or something, well perhaps don't read the *~* section. Anyway I don't want to keep people sad for too long, but it builds the characters. Enjoy.

**Healing indefinitely**

They were on the wounded coast again, much to his annoyance, to assist Hawke in her endeavours. One would think that after she turned him down after Fenris' advances, his infatuation would have ceased. No such luck, so he followed behind Hawke and Merrill who were happily chatting away about something or other, Anders didn't really care. Of course Aveline in front of them was too preoccupied by scouting potential threats to listen to the silly banter.

Anders huffed a little in irritation. He was good looking right; it wasn't that which had swayed Hawke away. He sighed, he knew better than to get his hopes up. Hawke would have many chasing after her. He watched as her hips swayed in front of him. No stop looking, it's not productive, Anders thought scratching his rugged chin wondering whether that was a Justice influenced thought. Not that being 'productive' was something he could do at this point in time anyway, or location for that matter. Not many productive things to do on the wounded coast, except think, talk, kill bandits or slavers or whoever was unfortunate enough to attack them.

"...so Hawke, you see that type of tree there? It reminds me of the time when the Keeper was teaching me about..." Merrill elaborated. Dear maker now she's going on about her education with the Dalish, Anders thought. "Really? I vaguely reading or being told something about that kind of thing." Hawke replied to Merrill. Merrill's voice saddened slightly, "Yes, because throughout all our history we lost so much information of my ancestors." She paused and looked up, smiling again, "I still wonder about how they lived so long." She shook her head. "Maybe something to do with the Creators." She giggled. Anders rolled his eyes, he still couldn't see much more than a little naive elf girl using blood magic, biting off more than she can chew in regards to that blasted mirror.

Well what a truly unproductive week. Didn't even get to kill any fools, which disappointed him more than he thought it should. Then again it really wasn't that unproductive. The people he helped in his clinic were still worth it. Anders smiled at that, but shook his head afterwards. What little he could do for them when he wasn't off gallivanting with Hawke. He sighed thinking of Hawke, he shouldn't complain. She provided him a means to earn some coin for the clinic, despite how frustrated she made him. He remembered kissing her, her soft lips against his. Her body pressed against his, holding her to him. That warm breath and tiny taste of lyrium on her tongue. He furrowed his brows, looking down at his hands he had been scrubbing. He knew he was possessed, but he had hoped she would look past that, if that was even what bothered her about him. And then there was Fenris.

Growling he shook off the water on his hands and moved over to grab a small handful of bread, making his way over to bed, brushing aside his thoughts to get at least a few hours of sleep before tending to more patients once dawn rose.

Fenris looked at his hand. He would have put on a scowl look but he knew better. Not a good hand but he figured that was likely because Isabella was hiding all the good cards for herself. Nonetheless he could still prevent the others from using his bad hand to their advantage. "Hawke I think I see you smirking honey." Isabella winked at Hawke who threw her a look and stuck out her tongue. "I was merely looking at Fenris, he is looking admirably pleasing tonight." Hawke teased. Fenris let out a small chuckle, whether that was true or not, it was a gimmick to distract the others as well, Fenris knew this.

"Now that you mention it..." Isabella leaned slightly over the table, proudly blaring he breasts to whoever wanted to have a look. "...he does look rather dashing tonight doesn't he?" Isabella raised he eyebrow. "You think he's using that new bathing kit I sent him some time ago to freshen himself up to look so lavishing?" Fenris merely raised his eyes from his cards for a second before leaning back, "I fold," Fenris said. Isabella pouted a little, disappointed in being unable to provoke him. "You sent him a bathing kit? Hmmm..." Hawke smiled slyly. "Wouldn't he smell like flowers like your room Isabella?" Merrill sniffed the air a little. Isabella leaned back laughing, "Kitten, I wouldn't send Fenris bath soaps that I used. They are part of my allure..." She winked at Fenris, "...not his." Merrill looked slightly confused at that.

Hawke quipped up, "You know, I have been getting a slight whiff of some sort of oak when I was visiting the other day." Isabella and Hawke both grinned at each other who then looked over at Fenris. The attention was slightly unbecoming for him, making him shift uncomfortably in his seat. Aveline huffed, "Ok, I fold, unlike you guys, I still have work to do in the morning," she folded her cards down and stood up from the table, "especially now with the heightened upheaval with the Qunari." "Aww, Aveline we don't discuss depressing stories here remember?" Hawke moaned a little playfully looking at Aveline. Aveline smiled and shook her head, "Good night everyone, stay safe." And with that she left. "Well if she's not going to finish this ale then," Varric said reaching over to Aveline's drink, snatching it away a few seconds before Isabella could. Taking a nice long sip he said to Isabella, "tough luck Rivini."

Fenris looked over the scene in front of him. Isabella glared at Varric while he smirked at his minor accomplishment. During the banter Fenris noticed Varric had been able to take a good look at Isabella's and Hawke's hands. He knew Varric wasn't worried about Merrill's hand. It was more often than not to be a bad one. Depending on his own hand, Fenris deducted that Varric would either play a bluff or up his bet in knowing victory. Fenris knew well enough, but he wouldn't cheat, and knowing how Isabella played, he did not win too often fairly. When he knowingly had a good hand he did win, a hefty win sometimes, but he didn't come here for that.

He looked at Hawke who was trying to allude Varric into revealing his hand to her. Yes, she was a mage, but that didn't seem to bother Fenris as it seemingly did on their first meeting. Hawke was without the need for extra power and was a strong willed woman. He smiled to himself, only slightly without the notice of the others, seemingly as though he found their banter humorous. No, he was smiling because of Hawke. Her attention to him and her seemingly favouring of him was rather welcomed. Her cheeks a slight hue red from the drinking through the night made her seem a slightly different kind of beautiful. He enjoyed her laughter, a small pleasure he held onto.

She was still waiting for him it seems. He had hoped their night had not ruined everything in her mind, and to his relief, it had not. He had needed to think, but failed in his control of keeping Hawke at a distance. They shared looks, small smiles and touches. Perhaps after some time, Fenris thought to himself, he will have figured out what he needed to, he will be with Hawke. Thoughts for another time though, for now he will delight in her company and that of the others.

"No Varric, you're taking most of my winnings tonight's." Isabella sulked to Varric. He chuckled, "Well there is always tomorrow night Rivini, here," he tossed her a coin, "A drink on me, for being such a good sport." She gave Varric a playful look, "Well then I'll go cash in now." She got up to make her way over to the bar. "Coming Hawke?" Isabella ran her hand over Hawke's shoulder. "Wrench you bring me my ale, I don't pay you to dawdle." Hawke tried her best to seem stern through her giggling. Isabella wooed at her, "Aww honey, you don't pay me, that's the whole problem." She said leaning down to Hawke's ear. Hawke feigned shock, "What? And all that coin I gave you on that last job?" Isabella chuckled and stood up. "Come on honey, this ale won't carry itself." Hawke, giving up on the playful drunken banter worded her acknowledgement, dragging Merrill with her as she followed Isabella to the bar.

Fenris turned towards Varric, "I suppose I will take my leave." He shifted forward and stood up. "So soon Broody, it's still early? It actually looked like you were having a bit of fun tonight." Varric said. Fenris smirked, the dwarf's 'early' was anything but. "Good night Varric." Fenris took up his sword which he had left resting on the back of his chair and made his way out of the Hanged Man. Varric just grinned and drank more of either his or Aveline's left over ale.

The night was warm outside, at least a bit warmer than it had been inside. Lacking the smell of the Hanged Man but not by too much, it was still Lowtown. Fenris made his way to the mansion and thought on this evening. Varric had been right. Varric was good at reading people, as Fenris did enjoy the evening. This was especially because of Hawke. She was smiling often, sending him frequent winks, not that Isabella was sending any less to him, but he enjoyed the attention from Hawke. He wondered if he should just go and talk to her sometime soon. Explain his fault in their abrupt separation and seemingly, need, for her. He shook his head. It wasn't that it was his fault though, he had needed time to figure out what had happened and all that had overwhelmed him.

Looking up at sky and the stars, he thought to himself that in the time of his escape he hadn't taken time to appreciate small things, which he could do at any time he wished. Perhaps he would have to have some more wine to drink once he returned to the mansion to muse over what should be done with his and Hawke's relationship.

* * *

Hawke was irritated to say the least. Having everyone wanting a piece of her right now was not making her mood too grand. As soon as she had stepped into her home, Isabella and Aveline turned up demanding her help with something of other. "Ok wait, WAIT!" She interrupted the argument between the two women, rubbing her temple she turned to Aveline. "I haven't seen you in a few days since the night at the Hanged Man and now all of a sudden, poof" Hawke made a boom gesture with her hands, "and suddenly you can't handle the Qunari anymore and need my help? Not even a 'Hi Hawke, how are you doing today?'" "Hawke this is urgent, you know I won't come to you unless I know can't do more on my own." Aveline explained. Hawke sighed, yeah she was right. Isabella threw her hands up in the air, "I'm going to die!" "Wait, what? Die?" Hawke looked at Isabella. "Well, now that I have your attention, you know that Relic I was talking about? Well I know where to find it and I need your help to get it so Castillon doesn't kill me." Hawke sighed again.

So they talk and dear maker Isabella is such a troublemaker. The 'relic', Hawke finds out, is actually why the Qunari are still in Kirkwall. So off they went with Isabella and what do you know, she runs off with it. Hawke closed her eyes at the memory and took a deep breath. Why when things seem to be getting better, something always kicks her off her feet. She thought of mother, holding back the urge to sob at the memory. She wasn't able to though and felt tears run down her face as she sat on her bed. Why can't things just stay well and stop falling apart around me? Hawke thought.

She held her pillow to her face, soaking the tears. So many things were getting to her lately. Fenris hadn't come to her since that fateful night, Mother... and now Isabella, someone she considered her best friend, left for her own selfish gain. She shivered and welled up at the thoughts of being all alone, feeling her insides wanting to give out as she sobbed. She always tried to do things the good way, but that didn't seem to matter, she thought. She lay down on her overly large bed, seeking comfort in holding her pillow to her, so it that somehow, it felt a little less like her body would swallow her up whole. Just the other day things where perfect, she had a good time, she was happy even. It didn't matter, it never lasted.

She bit the pillow and opened her teary eyes. I don't know what to do anymore, she thought in self doubt. Tomorrow is when we try and confront the Qunari, and I can't even hold myself together, how can I help anyone anymore. She thought, while crying herself to sleep.

* * *

So this was it. This was how it would play out. Beside Hawke stood Aveline, Fenris and last but not least, Isabella. Smiling as she looked over to the women she thought had betrayed her, but in the end she had returned and brought that book. Hawke turned to the Arishok, and her gaze became stern. He wanted to take Isabella way from her again. She would not let it. She would not let the Viscount die for nothing. She would duel him. She would protect what little she had left. She would be strong.

"Let us commence." Hawke said. The Arishok and Hawke went to stand a few feet in front of each other. Everyone else backing away, anticipating the fight that was to start. The Arishok yelled out and it started. Hawke didn't think, it was reflex at this stage. Swinging out her staff she let loose flames to the Arishok. Barely flinching through the flames he brought down his duel weapons towards her position. Rolling back, just out of its reach she stood, hitting him with lightning, fire, frost, stepping back each time. She knew this was going to be hard; he was the Arishok for a reason. Swinging to cleave her side she used a quick mind stun to get away. Not quickly enough, he nicked her clothing enough to tear a gash revealing her hip.

She nodded to herself, coning frost his way to delay his pursuit towards her. To her luck it froze him. Not for long though, she threw what she could at him. Shaking his head to gain his senses he seemed rattled but driven. She took this as a good sign despite the determination he held. They fought, Hawke dodging, just enough to not get sliced, and when she couldn't she'd hold him at bay with her staff. Hawke's companions and the on lookers watched. With each movement it looked like Hawke was slowly, but surely on her way to victory. She staggered, often after a while, she was tiring. As a mage moving about as a warrior does was drawing more out of her than she had anticipated. The Arishok looked worse for wear, but still as energized as ever.

Hawke was getting hurt now. There were slight cuts on her arms and thighs, having been unable to get away in time and getting nicked. Her breathing ragged and she was sweating profusely were a clear indication that she was being severely worn out. The Arishok cleaved through the air with his one arm, hitting Hawke square in the stomach. She bled.

Hawke felt her heart grip in fear. She could hear it thumping in her ears. She was nothing without the others by her side, she thought as she staggered backwards into the wall behind her. She held onto her stomach, seeing the blood but not really feeling the pain. Time seemed to slow down as she watched her doom advancing towards her. She was not strong enough. They would take her friend away because she was too weak to protect her. She would die and be unable to help anyone.

She winched as she held up her staff to prevent the blow the Arishok threw down at her. He pressed how with a mighty force and she felt her muscles trembling to compensate. Another mind stun and she rolled out to the side. She couldn't keep this up for much longer.

_I have the power you seek_. At first Hawke wasn't sure what she heard. _Power beyond all your dreams, all you needed to do is ask._ Oh... Hawke thought. It was a demon. Come to pester her when she was weak. _But you __**are**__ weak. I can give you what you need._ Hawke frowned; she didn't have time for this. _How could you ever dream to know what I want demon_, she hissed in her head. _You cannot protect those you love when you're weak. _Hawke froze. _I've been watching you Hawke, for a long time. I see how unhappy you have been, how unhappy you have become, all your dreams filled with loss and hopelessness. You will lose, but I can help you win. Just ask. _Hawke shook her head. The Arishok was up again, irritated to say the least. Hawke didn't have time.

_I will never let you possess my body, _Hawke said to the demon_. _Hawke backed away from the Arishok, using pillars and status to defend herself as best she could. She could feel the smile behind the demon in her head._ I just want to give you power, just ask and I will give you this and you will be able to protect those you love so dearly, you will have happiness. _Hawke was at a loss. She knew demons should never be trusted, but at this point, what did it matter. Without the power offered so freely to her, she would _die_. This had to be a better option than that. She would lose more dying than anything else she could lose if she did this deal. She sighed. _Yes, ok. But please, hurry._ She all but whispered to the demon. _As you wish._

Hawke felt her body become invigorated. She stood up, wielding her staff, bladed on the one side, her eyes burning fire. The Arishok swung at her and to Hawke, time was on her side. The bladed side of her staff burst into fire, drawing power from her stomach wound, the blood energizing and her blade cut right through the Arishok's one-handed weapon as a hot knife would through butter.

The onlookers stood, unknown to them the change in power Hawke had gained, just that she was winning again. That is all except Fenris. His eyes narrowed, no. He knew. He felt it. He was accustomed to the different types of magic. "NO!" Fenris yelled, trying to lung to where Hawke and the Arishok fought. He was held back. He couldn't think, his mind just focusing on Hawke. He could feel it under his skin, crawling in the lyrium, making him itch. No Hawke, no.

Drawing one more cut along her arm, Hawke used her blood, infused with fire to make her final attack. She would cut him, she would burn him. No one will take those she loved away from her again. Her staff's blade burst with an almost blinding light of fire. It was white, almost pure. The Arishok moved to block, Hawke just smiled only slightly and with both hand on her staff she forced her blade from above right threw his block and right threw body. She cut from his shoulder, to his chest and out his abdomen, in one diagonal slice. The Arishok screamed in pain, but Hawke had not heard it, her blood was pumping too loudly in her ears to hear much at all. The Arishok slumped to the floor, defeated, she had won.

She could not believe it. It seemed so easy. So simple. She laughed a little at the thought of it. She protected Isabella. She _could_ do it. She _was _strong enough. She would protect everyone, she would. Hawke staggered back and fell to her knees, exhausted beyond belief.

The others were already rushing over to her, all but Fenris, who stood rooted to the spot he was just a few moments ago was being forced to stand. The servants of the now defeated Arishok were removing his body. It was Isabella who first spoke to her, "Honey, are you ok, come on Hawke talk to me." Hawke looked up, smiling and looking a bit dazed, "I did it, I defeated him, I saved you Isabella." Isabella hunched down, smiling, "Thank you, Hawke." She pressed her forehead to Hawke, she appreciated what she did, she did save her, she was grateful at how much Hawke actually did for her, for everyone. "Hawke? You're kind of cold." Isabella moved back, catching Hawke just as she was about to fall backwards. "I think I just want to sleep for a little while," Hawke said, eyes glazing over.

Aveline having spoken to the Qunari and now next to Hawke spoke, "Is she all right?" Isabella could feel Hawke beginning to lean more into her grasp, "She's falling asleep I think." Aveline leaned down to look at Hawke better, she saw how much Hawke was bleeding, from her small cuts, and her arm and stomach. Her eyes widened. Hawke was beginning to look paler by the second; she reached down, feeling her pulse, terribly weak. "We have to get her to Anders." "Sure, just going to take a bit to get her down there and she's actually quite heavy." Isabella said, holding Hawke up. Aveline looked a bit panicked. "No, right now. Fenris!"

Fenris blinked, snapping out of his daze. "Fenris, pick up Hawke, quickly we need you to rush her to Anders, now!" Aveline yelled over to him. He frowned, "She turned to blood magic, I will not help her." Fenris boomed back. "Fenris if you don't help her now, she will die!" Aveline yelled. Isabella shot her a surprised and pained look, "What?!" "She has lost too much blood, she's going to bleed out and die, NOW Fenris, hurry!" Aveline was already helping Isabella stand Hawke up. Fenris growled, he did not want Hawke to die, rather to live with what she did, as much as he hated blood magic, he would not let her die. He went to her quickly, scooping Hawke up with ease, glaring her unconscious form, he practically ran to Ander's clinic.


	2. Chapter 2

**Healing indefinitely**

Chapter 2.

Fenris got to Anders' clinic shortly, luckily there weren't any patients and Fenris put Hawke onto the table he often saw Anders treat other patients on. Gentle he lay her head down. "Mage!" Fenris yelled out, assuming Anders was in the small room he used to wash up in. Anders walked out and took one look at Hawke and rushed over, "What, what happened?" Anders asked, feverishly checking Hawke's pulse, pupils and wounds. "She was wounded by the Arishok." He paused, still coming to terms with what Hawke had done. "She's..." Anders sucked in his breath, "She's dying."

It felt like his whole stable world was crashing at that very minute, his heart wanting to burst from the immense pain and fear he felt. "No, no, no, no, no." He rushed over to his potions, he needed to do something fast. "She turned to blood magic." Fenris said, looking at Hawke and frowning. Anders stopped. She couldn't have. His blood began to boil. She shouldn't have. "AGH! I can't think of that right now, Fenris can you keep her head and upper body lifted up? I need to heal what I can before she bleeds out." Anders said, trying his best to keep his temper under control. "Why would I need to keep her up?" Fenris inquired. "Just do it, I don't have time for your petty questions." Fenris growled, but did so. Anders started healing her abdomen, closing the wound as best he could to prevent further blood loss and then moved over to her arm. He checked her pulse again.

Fenris looked at Anders, he looked pale. "What Mage?" He hissed. "It's... it's not working, her pulse keeps dropping, she's lost too much blood." Anders' voice shook, he needed to save her. Out of all the people who deserved to be saved, it was Hawke. "Mage, do something!" Fenris looked pained; he did not want Hawke to die, even though she made a deal with a demon, for power no less, most likely a pride demon, preying on her weakened state. "Save her!" Fenris mostly yelled at Anders. Anders felt Justice beneath his skin, it was an injustice for Hawke to die, Justice knew this, she helped people just as much as Anders did. If she died, a lot of good she could have done would never happen.

Anders pressed his hands to Hawke's abdomen. He surged out as much healing power as he could. She wasn't responding though. Justice roared in his ears. His skin cracked blue. "I will save you!" Anders boomed. Empowered by his own magic and that of Justice pulling directly from the fade. All Anders could think about was his adoration, his need for Hawke, perhaps even love for Hawke. This emotion, this turmoil overflowed out of him. He roared, his body igniting like lightning, uncaring about Fenris who seemed just as affected by Anders' magic, his brands shining, lighting up the room as much as Anders was. Anders' was over flowing; it felt as if he were being washed in tidal waves, throwing against him and into Hawke.

He felt her heart begin to beat faster. Triumph! He threw his last willed power of energy into Hawke one more time, blinding the room in his blue illuminating light, Fenris' brands almost as over powering in light as the blue cracking through Anders' body. Anders felt almost at peace. This was all he remembered thinking after he felt her body stabilize under is magic. He collapsed.

* * *

It was Varric and Isabella waiting at Hawke's bed side when she awoke. Hawke smiled at them, stretching her arms above her head. "Hey guys, what's with waiting for me to wake up and all?" Isabella just smiled at her and Varric sat forward giving Hawke a kind of a questioning smile. "Hawke, what's the last thing you remember?" Varric asked. Hawke looked perplexed and looked over to the side trying to remember anything that happened before she went to sleep. Her eyes shot up, "Oh yes! The Arishok! I defeated him and passed out." "You also lost a lot of blood too." Varric said. Hawke looked down, they knew what she did. Isabella went to sit on her bed with her, "Honey don't be down, we don't care what you did, I mean you're not possessed or anything." Hawke smiled up at Isabella.

"Though there is one thing." Isabella said and Hawke looked confused. "You almost died honey." Hawke looked taken back, "How? I mean I was exhausted after the fight and all, but I wasn't that bad." Varric shook his head, "Well Hawke, it seems you forget that you kind of need to keep your blood _inside_ your body." He chuckled and Hawke didn't feel as tense as the situation had seemed to be. "Oh, yeah, I guess that may have slipped my mind with all the fighting and all."

Hawke looked down at the wounds she had gotten during the fight with the Arishok and was surprised to find no scars, "Did Anders heal my wounds that well? Considering how badly wounded you say I was." Isabella and Varric smiled at each other. "That is a short tale in itself." Varric said, leaning back in his chair he had placed at Hawke's bed side. "Really? I can't imagine watching Anders heal to be that interesting. Isabella giggled, "Honey, how about we get you some food first before we continue, even though you look surprisingly well for having just fought the Arishok a day ago." Isabella looked Hawke up and down and gave her a flirty wink. "No wander I'm starving! Ok, let's go." Hawke said as she winked back at Isabella as she made her way out of bed.

They went down to the market to buy some baked goods to take back to Hawke's place. Hawke was actually more surprised by how little bruised she felt or even stiff, in all honesty she felt terrific. She wondered whether or not this was because of Anders or that demon. She shook her head; she wasn't going to think of it. As they sat down again in Hawke's living room to nibble down the food they had bought and Varric took the part of the story teller. Not that he had much to say but he did take at least a half an hour to forty five minutes going through the bits he did know.

He explained that Isabella had rushed into the Hanged Man to fetch him right after they had sent Fenris with her to Anders. Once they had collected Varric they had rushed along with Aveline down to Ander's clinic. When they were close by they saw the clinic shooting out an enormous amount of light. Blue light to be exact and just as they had reached the door it had intensified that it had practically blinded them. Of course their eyes were fine and Hawke assumed that was due to Varric exaggerating on the light. Once they had regained their composure they entered to find Anders passed out on the floor, and Hawke being held by a very confused looking Fenris.

Fenris didn't want to explain what had happened; he just shook his and told them to hold Hawke's head up as he had been instructed by Anders. After that he left without saying anything further. They later had asked Anders what happened after he awoke and he said it must have been his infusion with Justice in healing Hawke that made the light, that and it may have been a bit intense and affected Fenris' brands too.

That explained a lot, Hawke thought. After that Isabella and Varric chatted about how obviously smitten Anders was to Hawke. Further on that topic Hawke didn't really concentrate on. She was thinking about Fenris. Although she was grateful to Anders for what he did for her, and she would thank him for it later, she was just preoccupied with thinking about Fenris right now. She knew he must hate her. He properly wasn't going to speak to her again, much less continue a relationship with her. She frowned to herself; she wasn't going to let that get her down. Looking up at Varric and Isabella chatting away, she knew she had people who accepted her for who she was, despite the controversial actions she made. She would talk to him anyway and try to clear things up, but not now. She will talk to him later on another day, talking to him now would only evoke his wrath on her.

Smiling again she told Varric and Isabella about a mission she had in mind to do for the time being.

When Anders had came to after healing and basically reviving Hawke from near death, he had been laying in his cot. He had the same feeling in his gut that he got when he usually woke up after having blacked out when Justice took over. Upon thinking back though he recalled everything that had happened, much to his surprise. Further he realized he and Justice were combined to do _healing_. Now that was new. Justice normally empowered only his offensive magic.

When he had left his tiny room he saw that the others were there, all but Fenris that is. He had been bombarded with questions, which consisted of the blue light from his clinic and Hawke's recovery. Needless to say when he saw Hawke she seemed perfectly fine and a quick once over, checking her vital signs, he saw that she really was. After answering their many questions, many of which he didn't even know the answer to and would properly plague him for quite a while he ushered them out to take Hawke home, saying to keep an eye on her.

* * *

All throughout the day and days there after he couldn't stop thinking about the incident. Had he really healed Hawke so well that she seemed as though she had never fought at all? Justice and he had never been so completely infused, so in sync that they did something like that. Was that really what they could achieve when they were both so determined? Could they possibly do more? Silly thoughts like that flicked in and out of his consciousness between cleaning and tending to patients.

Other things had bothered him as well. What did it do to Fenris that he had lit up almost as much as Anders did? Varric had said Fenris was confused when they saw him. To Anders' knowledge that wasn't a very common thing at least for the time he had been around Fenris. He would have assumed that Fenris would have been annoyed or even angry. He did use a lot of magic around him when he was healing Hawke, which he normally hissed at him for. Why was he confused?

Anders had sighed at the other plaguing thought. Hawke. She turned to blood magic? Was she crazy? He wouldn't have thought she would do such a thing, but considering Fenris' reaction to speaking of her, he knew Fenris wasn't one to joke. Why Hawke? He felt angry the more he thought about it. No matter what had happened she should not have done such a reckless thing. Dealing with demons was foolish. Perhaps it was Justice influencing this anger and thought to such, but it didn't matter. Whether or not it was him, Anders knew he would consider Hawke the same.

He tried to push his anger aside. Above everything else, he was disappointed with her. He did love her, but now? Now he would never _be _with her, even if she had a crazy idea to come to him. Her choice was made by what means she took action, he would tolerate it, but now he would put the thought of her aside. He could not be with someone who dealt with demon, and reassuringly he felt as though Justice agreed.

Fenris' time after the incident had been _painful_. He had gone straight to the mansion after leaving Hawke with the others. What he had experienced that day was beyond confusing and painful. He had entered the mansion and lunged at anything he could tear apart. So many things he didn't want to think about, kept flooding his thoughts, kept flooding him with memories. Fenris torn at an empty book shelf, vigorously tearing it with his gauntlet covered hands and shedding the wood. He growled as it did nothing to calm his thoughts, to distract him. He grimaced and went down to the cellar. Hawke, memories, and what Anders did to him. It kept spinning in his head.

He got several bottles of wine and made his way back to his room, the only room he stayed in, but not before throwing one of the wine bottles when he thought of Hawke before he got to the room. He put the bottles on the table and lit the fire in the fire place he had in the room. Perhaps the crackling would do some good, but he doubted it. He drank then, pacing and sitting, restlessly going over the day.

Hawke, dealing with demons and practicing blood magic. Out of all the things Hawke had done, he had never thought she would resort to that. It angered him, he thought he knew her. It hurt. He had been hurt before yes, physically and emotionally, but never like this. Never by someone he _trusted_. Hawke had turned to blood magic and she didn't even consider the consequences. She almost died, and for what? To defeat an opponent? For power? She had cut herself and almost bled to death because of resorting to blood magic. He gritted his teeth and growled. He wasn't going to think about Hawke, he would rather think about something he could actually cope with right now.

When Anders had healed Hawke, what it did to him. It had never happened before, at least, not as such. Fenris put his hand to his temples on his head. At first it confused him and even after he was at a loss for what exactly he had just experienced. It had happened before, with Hawke, that one night they had spent together and he had recalled his memories of his past self. When Anders was healing Hawke, he remembered feeling as though all his flesh was feeling a soothing warmth, this warmth felt as though it leaked into his mind and just as that happened, he remembered.

Fenris didn't know what was happening at that instant, a blur of memories flooded him. He realized though that it was his own, his past. How could Anders' magic do this? Why did this happen while healing Hawke, where it had never done as such before. Fenris knew not of how though, but he knew why. It was because of Justice.

He knew only of demons that hurt and empowered mages to the extent of their offence abilities. Used as a means to kill and torture others. He knew that Anders alone wouldn't have been able to heal Hawke to the extent that he did. The perplexing thing was that Justice was there, empowering his healing. Was Justice a really demon as he had thought? Was this an accident or did his memories return so that the demon could latch onto something of his to use against him later? He did not think Anders knew about what happened, if he wanted answers he would have to ask the mage. For now though, he was going to need a lot more wine.


	3. Chapter 3

Healing indefinitely – Chapter 3

The patients for the day had been pouring in more than usual and Anders was more busy than normal. Luckily it wasn't anything serious, just minor to medium cuts, bruises, cramps and so forth, only that there was a lot of people. If it weren't just for the extra work he had to do, he had Isabela there sitting on one of the table tops chatting his ear off. Normally he wouldn't have minded the company even if she wasn't exactly doing anything, but today he was busy and he was tired. The restless nights and few hours he got to sleep were taking a bit of a toll on him.

"And so then that pretty red head tripped, and woo, her under garments revealed to all!" Isabela said to Anders, he merely rolled his eyes at her as he was cleaning a wound of one of his patients. "What? Don't look at me like that. It wasn't me who tripped her, not that I'm complaining at all. Those garments were rather skimpy for a noble."

"Ok Isabela, not that I find your stories woefully interesting, but why are you here again?" He asked. He was just finishing up the on treating a cut an elderly man had gotten on his upper arm. "I thought I'd entertain you for a while and I know you'd love the company." "I find that hard to believe. You have plenty of other things to do than," he gestured to where she sat, "whatever you're doing here."

She feigned hurt and pressed her hand to her chest, "Can't I talk to one of my favourite handsome mages without my intent being questioned?" "No, not really, you don't often come down here in this terribly smelling part of town without a reason." Anders said while cleaning some of his rags he used to clean wounds. "So why are you here?" He didn't want to ask earlier as the patients seemed to like the chatter she provided, but after a while he found he was starting to get irritated, not a normal thing he knew so he put if off to his lack of sleep.

She smiled slyly and sat up straight, "You know, you've been looking rather ravishing lately, did you do something with your hair?" He rolled his eyes at that remark, "I bet you say that to all the pretty mages. You're avoiding the question." She smiled, "I only give out complements if I genuinely believe it should be given, and you..." She raised her eye brow. "Isabela, I'm going to kick you out if you keep at it." He knew normally he would play back with her but right now was hardly the time and place for it; he couldn't be bothered right now.

She didn't faze at his remark, "I'm only being honest," she winked at him and added grinning, "Sparkle fingers." He just moved over to a girl with a seemingly sprained ankle when Hawke walked in. "Oh yay, Hawke's here now, I'm off now Sparkle fingers." Isabela said as she hopped off the table she sat on and smiling at Hawke as she left.

Anders gave Hawke a questioning look, "What was that about?" "I asked her to brighten your mood before I came to talk to you." Hawke said with a sheepish smile. Anders sighed, of course. "Listen Hawke, I'm really rather busy at the moment as you can see there are tons of people about in here. I know you want to talk but right now really isn't the time." Anders said all the while treating the girl's ankle and not looking up. Hawke frowned, "I'm going to have to tell Isabela her mood brightening skills need improvement."

Anders sighed pinching his brow, "No, any other time she may have done fine, I'm just busy right now and I don't have time for all of this." "Well I can't really come back later, at least not for a few days and so I need to talk to you before then." Hawke persisted. Anders looked up at Hawke, talking a deep breath. "Fine, just let me finish with her." He gestured to the girl whose ankle he was busy with. "I'll meet you in the back." Hawke said and made her way to the back room Anders used to sleep in. Anders shook his head slightly, Hawke wasn't someone he really wanted to see right now. She was still Hawke but somehow that didn't help ease his mind about what she did. Sending the girl on her way, Anders went to talk to Hawke.

She was standing by his supply cabinet looking over his potions when he walked in. "Looks like you're going to have to stock up soon or you'll run out." She said looking back at Anders when he came in. "As much as I'd love to go out and get some supplies, I did mention that I was a bit busy." Anders said standing at the door once he closed it. "Wow, you're in more of a foul mood than normal." Hawke said scowling at him. "Hawke please, not now. Just tell me what you wanted to talk about so I can get back to treating my patients." Hawke didn't look pleased, "Ok fine." She said and sat down in Anders' bed, nothing more than a cot with extra pillows and a blanket. "I just," she paused now, looking more uncertain of herself. "I wanted to say thank you. For well, saving me for dying. I heard it was quite an impressive feat. I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am."

Anders furrowed his brows, "I shouldn't have to do something like that for you Hawke, you should have been more careful and I can't just heal people back from the dead every time they think they can get away with being reckless." Yes he was angry. She looked up at him surprised, "But you did help me and I'm grateful, it won't happen again, I didn't mean to..." Anders cut her off, stepping forward. "Didn't mean to what Hawke? Didn't mean to Arishok on your own? Didn't mean to get so brutally wounded? Oh, or is it that you accepted a deal from a Maker damned demon!" Anders gestured with his arms in the air as he yelled at Hawke.

Hawke glared at him and stood up, standing about a foot away from him, "I don't have to explain what I did to you Anders. You do not know what was going on. You don't know the reasons for the things I did." Anders gave a half laugh at that and turned from Hawke, "Oh please almighty Hawke, do share how you justify making deals with a demon." He said walking across the small room. "Anders I thought out of all the people you would understand why." Anders turned around at that to glare at Hawke. "No Hawke. What Justice and I did saved you. We save people and we bring justice and vengeance to those who are cruel and unkind. Justice is no demon. What you did was selfish! And for what, your pride?" He was raising his voice with the anger he felt boiling inside of him, small cracks of blue shining around his eyes and hands.

"I did it for everyone! I had to do it to protect those I care for!" Hawke yelled back at him. Anders could feel Justice under his skin and he fought to keep him back. He closed his eyes and looked away from Hawke, taking a deep breath and clenching his fists as tightly as he could. Once he knew he was under control he said calmly to Hawke, "You know what Hawke? It's none of my business. I should get back to work now." Hawke still looked to be seething in anger as she stared at him. He walked to his door and gestured for her to leave. She glared at him and walked out.

Anders took a deep breath to clear his head. That wasn't how he expected that talk to go but she should have known better. He shook his head, ignoring all the people who heard their yelling and go back to helping his patients.

* * *

Spending some time with Merrill and Isabela after talking to Anders that day helped her mood. She shouldn't be sorry for what she did. Merrill agreed with her after hearing what happened and Isabela showed indifference. After spending some time at Merrill's house at the Alienage they were making their way to the Hanged man. "So Hawke, what's our next job?" Isabela asked. Hawke smiled at her, "I actually forgot about that. I have a very special mission planned for us. It will take a few days to get it done though, maybe even a week." Merrill frowned, "That's a really long time for just one mission." "We were gone for longer when we went to the deep roads." Hawke said, cringing afterward when she thought of what happened to her brother. "I remember, but I can't go with now, I have to get some work done on the mirror, I can't be gone for that long." Merrill said sounding sad yet determined at the same time. "How about you decide once we get to Varric and I tell you what I'm planning?" Hawke said and Merrill happily nodded.

They chatted all the while on their way to meet Varric in his room at the Hanged Man. "Hawke_,_ Rivaini, Daisy! What a pleasant surprise!" Varric said as they entered his suite. Merrill smiled, "Aneth ara Varric_." _They made their way to sit at Varric's table, interrupting his writing he had been doing but he didn't seem to mind. "So what brings you?" Varric asked. "Well I have a job for us, but it may take a little while." Hawke started, looking at everyone to see if she had their attention before she started explaining.

"When I got home yesterday I went through my mail and came across one from one of the nobles in the city." "Ooh nobles, I love their jobs. They always have something interesting going on, so many trinkets to get from them." Isabela said with glee. Hawke smiled at her, "You are going to love what we're going to do more than what we're going to get from her." Isabela quirked up her eyebrow and smiled at that. Merrill spoke up excitedly, "Come on Hawke, tell us." "Ok, well she has been waiting for some private shipment to arrive and it's late. She said it was extremely important to retrieve it and would pay me handsomely if I got the job done."

"Simple enough, I don't see how this may take up to a week." Isabela said. "Hold on, I haven't gotten to the best part yet." Hawke shushed her. "You see her shipment is coming from Orlais. She has offered for us to take her boat to see if we can intercept her shipment and get it to her as soon as possible." Isabela took a second to register what Hawke just said. "We're going on a ship!?" She exclaimed, leaning over the table a little towards Hawke, grinning from ear to ear. "I said it was special didn't I?" Merrill looked just as excited, "Oh I've never been on a ship! Hawke can I go?" "Of course you can. " Hawke said smiling.

"That does sound like a great tale at sea but I'm going to have to decline Hawke." Varric said making Hawke turn to him. "Why?" "Well if you must know I have some business associates I'm meeting in a few days so I can't be gone for so long." "I see." Hawke said frowning to herself. "What is it Hawke?"

"I'll have to ask Fenris to come along then." Hawke said quietly. Isabela and Varric looked away at that, they knew why she was reluctant. She didn't want to speak to him yet, not after how Anders' had reacted.

"Is that wrong?" Merrill asked curiously, oblivious to how Fenris would react to Hawke due to her turn to blood magic. Isabela smiled sweetly to Merrill, "You know how he treats you kitten? Hawke thinks he may treat her the same way now too." Merrill looked confused about to ask another question but Hawke silenced her. "He despises blood magic Merrill. End of story." She sighed, "Just me a few minutes, I'll go ask him within the hour. With luck I can avoid the conversation all together."

They nodded all but Merrill looking as reluctant as Hawke felt. She could hope for the best.


End file.
